Character test

     When I first started cooking professionally I had no idea what I was getting myself into... the incredibly long hours, the horrific pay, the pressure to perform at high levels consistently day in and day out. I thought I knew, I had been working in the industry for 8 years, but I had no idea. And then when I transitioned to fine dining, I was as lost as an amish person at a gay pride parade. I remember running around every single day, in the weeds, no idea what I was doing or what I needed to do or what order I needed to do it in. The pressure was astronomical. I was working at Tom Colicchio's Craft in Atlanta, under chefs that had worked directly under him for years. These guys were the most amazing cooks I had ever seen in my life. They all had been cooking for over a decade in fine dining establishment's all over the country. New York City, Dallas, and Seattle just to name a few. Chef Kevin Maxey was the Chef de Cuisine of Craft, Adam Evans was the CdC at Craftbar, located on the first floor of the building, and Tim Bevins was the Sous for both restaurants. Everything they did seemed so effortless. Skills that I now see as basic, but at the time couldn't fathom how they could do it all. Perfect sauces, soups, pates, rillettes, butchery, every single time. I knew I was in way over my head. That all changed one day. The worst and best day of my career.

     I had been working in the kitchen for about a month, running around, no idea what I was doing. Chef's Kevin and Tim guiding me, helping me out abundantly, and doing half the work for me. Still, I sucked. Chef Kevin went out of town and Chef Adam came upstairs to run the kitchen. Adam and I had little to no interaction once I started working in the kitchen. When I started working at Craft I was a food runner and expo. I didn't think I could get a job there as a cook, so I applied in the front of house hoping to impress the Chefs enough to one day transition to the back. Well I did, and after about 2 months I started in the kitchen. When I was in the front I would expo and food run for both restaurants, and Adam and I got along well and I quickly became a favorite. Once I transitioned to the kitchen upstairs at Craft, I just didn't see to much of Adam. So on Adam's first shift upstairs with me as the garde manger cook, around 4:00pm he came and asked me if I needed help with anything. I was ignorantly confident enough to pass up on this generous offer, and continued about my idiotic way. For some reason I was convinced that today was the day that I had gotten a handle on that station. If I could go back in time, I would slap the shit out of myself for being a complete idiot. Service began at 5:30, Adam was checking everyone's stations to make sure they were prepared for the evening. Needless to say, I was not. Now, I had already been running a catering company for 2 years, a casual steakhouse in the area for 1,and managing different places since I was 20, and I loved it when my employees messed up. Not because I was able to take that oppurtunity to teach and help encourage growth, but because I got to yell and scream like a harpie. I loved tearing people down, it only made me feel better about myself, and I was the only person whose feelings I cared about anyway. Well, kharma is a bitch. A big, fat, nasty bitch. And I was at the top of her hit list. I've been yelled at before, mostly because I deserved it, but I have never experienced anything like I did that day with Adam Evans. He systematically tore me and my work apart for the next 5 hours. My parm crisps weren't crisp enough, I didn't have enough mise en place for any single dish, my station was dirty, and my favorite line "We aren't a  #($&@)* deli!! We are a top dollar, fine dining establishment. Start acting like it". During my 6th trip back downstairs to grab more product, I almost broke down in tears. In fact they welled up in my eyes, but I held them back. I refused to cry. There's no cryin in fine dinin!! I went back upstairs, head held low, and somehow continued to work. The only thing going through my mind was "I hate Adam Evans". When the shift was over, no one in the kitchen would even speak to me. I think they knew how beat down I was and didn't want to rub salt in my wounds. I appreciated the silence. Finally, the pastry assistant Johnny came over and asked how I was doing. I vented to him for a short minute, but decided it was best to keep my mouth shut. A part of me wanted to walk away and never look back. The next day I returned and was 2 hours early. I had decided that not only was Adam wrong, but I was going to show him just how wrong he was. I was determined to have that station full, spotless, and ready to go a good hour before service. I really wish someone would build a damn time machine. That day wasn't as bad as the one before, but it wasn't great either. Adam only yelled at me for about 2 hours, I had fixed my errors from before, but he found some new ones. Again, "I hate Adam Evans". Somehow in the chaos that was my mind, I was able to actually retain what he was saying to me. Instructions that, as soon as they came out of his mouth, seemed like common sense, but for some reason I had just never thought of before.  I still ran around for about 2 more weeks, but I got it eventually. Soon I was running that 2 person station by myself on the weekends, with little to no help. I managed to get a handle on the prep, and would only need some help plating during the busiest rushes. A few months later, the chefs noticed my improvement and moved me over to the hot line. I was now the vegetable cook. And after only a few shifts, pretty much worked that station very efficiently. I wasn't perfect every day, but I got it, and worked it well. I'm not saying I am the best line cook ever in the world, and that there weren't issues, but I improved. I didn't give up, I didn't walk away. I put my head down, did as I was told, asked questions at appropriate times, and learned as much as I could. I will forever be grateful to the chefs at Craft Atlanta. Kevin, Adam, and Tim have taught me more than I ever thought possible. About ingredients and techniques, and which ones work together, why they work together, why they don't. More importantly they gave me confidence. When Craft closed, and I moved to Vail, I was shocked to see how some cooks work. I am still shocked when I see them do things improperly. These are people that have paid $50,000+ for a culinary education, some at the best culinary schools in the country. This is what they have chosen to do for the rest of their lives, and they suck, and they don't care that they suck!

     I am not exactly sure what the point of this post is, maybe its just a peek into something I have been through. Maybe you can take something away from it that will help you in your own life. Maybe your one of the people I was horrible to and are revelling in the fact that I got my ass chewed out. What I will say is this, When faced with adversity, our true character comes out. Walking away from something just because you don't like it in that moment is a weakness. I don't know how I was able to go back to work at Craft. But I did, and am certainly a better person for it. So don't give up. Whatever your facing, whatever difficulty you are going through, just stand up, face it, and defeat it. Sounds much harder to do than it really is, trust me.